Anger: During this phase, the grief stricken person may lash out at family, friends, their veterinary support team, or even themselves. Their ‘higher power’ may come in for some abuse, as may the world in general. Guilt and fear are commonly felt during this stage. This is a common stage of grief that usually follows denial. It may not be felt at all by some people, especially if they are at rest with the fact that pets have a much shorter life span than we do. Such people may move right on to sorrow and forward from there.

Many people feel the need to blame when things go wrong. People feel responsible for their pets, and when things go wrong, they feel they could or should have prevented it.  They may blame themselves and feel guilt: ‘If only I had checked the gate latch then he wouldn’t have got hit by the car/ drowned in the pool/ gone missing’. They may blame the vet; “If he didn’t charge so much I could have afforded the surgery’. They may blame an independent person; ‘they shouldn’t drive cars that fast in our neighbourhood’. Some people will even blame the pet, however temporarily, for leaving them alone. Sometimes this anger will occur in a situation completely removed from the veterinary clinic; at work, or with family and friends.

Bargaining: This phase of grief can be a little harder than the others to recognise. Typically, this phase is occurring when you might bargain with your ‘higher power’ in the manner of ‘if you let Fluffy live, I will always go to church/ donate to more charities/ be a better dog owner. You may try to deal with your god, or even with your veterinarian!. We see this when the owners are in pre-death grief i.e.; with a diagnosis of cancer or similar life threatening diseases; ‘if I do the chemotherapy will you give me a year with him’ or ‘If I find the money, will he be OK?” They may even bargain with the pet; ‘if you get better, I promise to walk you every single day/ let you sleep on the bed/ have ice-cream every day’.

Depression/ Sorrow: Depression occurs as a reaction to the changed way of life created by the loss. You feel intensely sad, hopeless, drained and helpless. This sadness is the stage we most often think of as grief. For many of us, losing a pet may be one of the saddest experiences we will ever have. We mourn our loss. We may find it difficult to eat, sleep, or concentrate. Our pet is missed and thought about constantly. In this state, we may not want to be around other people; but in reality, this is when we need understanding people the most. Talking to someone who understands our grief is a way to help the healing process begin. Caring people can listen and help. People in this phase of grief probably benefit the most from a kind ear, a phone call, or where appropriate, the provision of a help line phone number. Accessing websites that allow commemoration of the pet can also help people in this phase.

Acceptance/resolution: Acceptance is the phase of grieving when you are able and ready to move on in life, still feeling some sadness and missing your pet, but incorporating these feelings as part of a new lifestyle. It is the final part of the grieving process. At this point, you start focussing on positive memories of your lost pet, and cherish the thought of time spent together. You may start thinking of taking in a new pet. Not as a replacement, but as a new soul to love and enjoy life with. You will still feel times of sorrow, but will appreciate hearing your vets memories of your lost pet when you visit them for puppy vaccinations! In this phase you will look forward more than backwards.